Saturday morning time trial, Fred's going balls out - it's obvious he's on to smash the club record. Suddenly a funeral procession appears coming the other way. Fred slams on the brakes, dismounts and takes off his helment while it passes then gets back on and finishes well down the field.
After the event a marshal who witnessed the whole affair comes up to him and says "Fred, that was jolly desent of you, sacrificing your chances like that!".
Fred replies "Well I was married to her for forty years."
Fellow's out riding his bike one fine morning, when he comes up behind another guy who's out riding alone on a tandem and struggling up a hill. He slows to say hello, then mentions 'You're really doing a lot of work, why don't you ride a single?'
Tandem rider says 'Well, this bike holds a lot of memories for me. My wife and I spent many happy hours on this tandem, and now that she's dead I still ride it for those memories.'
Single rider replies, 'That's really deeply touching. But surely there's someone, a close friend or a family member, who would
understand your feelings, and who you could invite out to ride it with you?'
'No', says the tandemist, 'they're all at the funeral'.